the truth about morning routines from a former pilates princess

i'm sick of performative "routines" ruining my life

I am a sucker for routines. I always have been. When I was just twelve, with some light in my eyes still (non-existent nowadays), I used to love sitting at my desk the night before school with a crisp white sheet of paper and writing down the schedule for my day—right from what time I would wake up in the morning to what classes I had that day to planning my evenings after school. Those evenings mostly consisted of lounging until told to do my school work, having dinner, showering, and going to sleep. And doing it all over again, every day until the school year would end.

Now, why would a twelve-year-old feel the urge to plan their day to the T even when all every single day looks the exact same and definitely isn’t in their control? Maybe that’s a question for my therapist. Or perhaps we were just beginning to experience the rise of the ‘aesthetic lifestyle’.

If you’re chronically online like me, you must be well-versed with this phrase. Nowadays, we see the ‘aesthetic lifestyle’ bombarded on our For You pages daily—the 5am club, the cold plungers, the pilates princesses (I myself am a recovered PP). These are all various types of aesthetics served to us on a plate every single day in the form of routines. There’s a new one almost every month, and it gets very tedious to keep up with.

But this originally started years ago. Remember when YouTubers like Bethany Mota, Zoella, Rclbeauty, Alisha Marie (and lots more that I can’t even remember now) were starting to gain a lot of traction for their routine videos? I’d actually be jealous if you have no idea what I’m talking about.

This was the era where we would be fed morning/night routines for every season. Fall morning routine? I woke up and was mesmerized by the crisp fall leaves that I could witness from my blue bedroom. Summer morning routine? Hi guys, so this morning I’d like to show you how I make my iced latte at home, I simply NEED this before I start my busy day full of doing nothing. And on and on it would go, every year, for years.

Although probably made with the right intentions, these videos promoted consumerism and materialism, gave way to comparison and self-esteem issues among young people who were their target audience, and set unrealistic expectations. Many morning routines featured an extensive list of activities (e.g., exercise, meditation, elaborate breakfasts) that are difficult to fit into a realistic morning schedule for anyone, especially a twelve-year-old.

No one could make me hate you Lorelai, no one

Don’t get me wrong, I completely devoured these videos and still do when I need a dose of nostalgia. Sometimes I wonder if these videos helped shape me into the person I am today—someone who tries and tries to form a routine and actually stick to it when the time comes. Alas, that’s not me. I am now 24, so I have tried this for 12 years, believe it or not. Ay, but never stop trying, right?

I understand having a structure for your days is important to stay sane. Having some direction and purpose for your day is crucial to your mental well-being, especially if you don’t work a full-time job and have the opportunity to work for yourself or work part-time. But it's equally important to remember that rigidly adhering to overly idealized morning routines, as often portrayed on social media, can be counterproductive. These routines can set unrealistic standards and lead to unnecessary stress and self-criticism if they cannot be perfectly replicated. It’s vital to know and do what works for you, aligning with your own lifestyle and needs. Balance and authenticity should be prioritized over perfection, ensuring that your routine enhances your well-being rather than detracting from it.

It reminds me of a quote I have come across at least once every year:

How you spend your days is how you spend your life.

I remember the first time I read this, I was hit by a wave of realization that I might not be living a good life. I spent many of my days rotting in bed, daydreaming about my ideal life but not doing anything about it. I want to wake up early and finish a Madfit workout; I want to make myself beautiful smoothies every morning; I want to sit in my garden and journal; I just want to live my perfectly curated life. But this constant, overwhelming pressure to do everything the right way and at the right time weighed down on me so much that I ended up doing nothing at all.

I resorted to bed rotting, which gives me the ultimate pleasure, unfortunately. Leave me with my silly little highly curated playlists and my books, and I’ll be content. But if you’re doing that every day, you stop seeing the fun in it. Especially when it’s met with this overwhelming feeling of guilt that you’re not making the most of your days. Wasting away precious moments in your 20s. And while you’re rotting in bed and watching other people live their lives, you realize you’re doing just that—watching other people live their lives while you’re doing nothing about yours.

I might be completely wrong, and some people must thrive performing these routines, but personally, I have found that these detailed instructions for my days made me feel very caged. For the longest time, I thought that meant that maybe something was wrong with me. If I can’t follow a simple schedule for my day without going dobby level crazy, then there has to be something wrong with me in the dome, right? Wrong!

Luckily, I have come a long way since then to realize that routines can be unnatural and limiting. And that probably everyone preaching about these productivity routines are playing some big prank on us.

I have been successful a few times when it came to following my routines. A handful of times in my 24-year-old life. So I know the satisfaction you feel when you’ve spent your day productively, crossing everything off your checklist at the time planned by past you. It’s a great, completely rare feeling, and if you’re ambitious, you might also think to yourself, “Heck, if I can do this today, I can definitely do this every day for the rest of my life.” But the next day arrives, you’re feeling tired from your busy day the day before, and your motivation levels have dropped to 70%, yet you push through. Then the day after that arrives, your motivation levels have dropped a notch further. Your rose-colored glasses are losing their power. You start to see how beautiful bed-rotting is on a Saturday morning, and all of a sudden that Saturday morning run before brunch with your friends starts to lose its charm. Perhaps on Monday, you’re seeing how beautiful those extra 30 mins of sleep in the morning are. Slowly, you start skipping your early morning workouts before work. Then there goes your strawberry banana protein smoothie, with the fruits rotting away in your fridge. All of a sudden, drinking even a sip of water seems like a chore.

That is how it usually goes. At least, for me, it does. Routines, especially rigid ones, leave little to no room for flexibility or spontaneity in life. You're human, and you’re not going to feel the same every single day. Some days you'll wake up feeling your best; other days, your body will need that extra 30 minutes of sleep. If you’re someone who menstruates, it's unrealistic to expect to feel the same every day, as our cycles only allow for about a week of normality each month. Wouldn't you rather listen to your body and give it what it needs on any given day?

I'm not suggesting you go to the extremes, waking up every day and only doing what your body tells you. If I did that, I would never leave my bed and would be covered in my own tears. Unfortunately, some people have to go to work even if they don’t want to or physically can’t. And if you’re like me, your mind might play tricks on you, leading to procrastination and never getting anything done. That’s not healthy either. While it’s important to push yourself sometimes, it's crucial to find a balance and recognize the extent to which that’s okay.

One thing I can attest to with certainty is that, routines are usually good on paper but very difficult to maintain in the real world. I have no idea if, or how, these YouTubers followed their detailed routines day after day. Didn’t they ever feel the need to just, you know, procrastinate? More importantly, when did they find the time to schedule in their breakdowns?

I don’t come empty-handed, now that I have given my two cents about the dark side of routines, I do have an alternative to offer.

Rather than putting all our blood, sweat and tears (lots of them) into perfectly performing these routines generated by someone on the internet, why don’t we curate rituals that are created by us for us.

Rituals are a few rules you set out for yourself every day. These are your non-negotiables. As Lucy Williams said in her post, “A ritual to me can be listening to a certain podcast while brushing my teeth or having a herbal tea and some chocolate every evening before bed. Anything that makes days feel a bit more my own and provides moments of familiarity and routine despite a distinct lack of routine at times.” And I completely echo that. Personalizing your rituals makes them more meaningful and sustainable. So, rather than striving for a picture-perfect routine, focus on what truly enhances your well-being and fits seamlessly into your life.

For me, they go as follows:

i. Moving my body for at least 10 mins every day.

Even on my worst days, when I don’t feel like doing my Madfit workout or going on a walk, I remind myself that only doing it for 10 mins is enough. Usually, once those 10 mins are up, I am motivated to do more. And even if I don’t do more, at least I was consistent and did it for 10 mins, which is better than doing nothing at all.

ii. Practicing my breath-work.

As someone who gets anxious from time to time, focusing on my breathing is very important. So I make sure to do some breathing exercises during my day, whenever I feel like it.

iii. Reading something, anything, for at least 5 mins.

Whether it is an article, essay, or book, just the act of putting my phone away (I choose to read on my laptop) and focusing my energy on doing something that would stimulate my mind motivates me to read for more than just 5 mins. The escapism that a good book provides during a particularly stressful day also acts as a great stress-reliever.

iv. Walking after every meal.

I used to find myself hungry just 10 mins after a satisfying meal. I read up (TikTok) and found that walking for a bit after every meal informs your cells that food has been had and energy is available to be used (I realized while writing this sentence I know 0 scientific words). This helps me from snacking right after my meals and also keeps me full for a while.

v. Doing something daily that gives you a break from screens.

We’re always on our phones, laptops, iPads, or in front of a TV. We’re constantly consuming some sort of media. It’s all just in in in. To avoid this, I like trying out different hobbies. There was a time when I was obsessed with paint by numbers. Then there was a time when I loved a good 1000-piece puzzle, making trinket dishes out of clay, or just painting my favorite things for fun. For me, having a hobby that helps my hands get dirty is so enriching and further enhances my work.

I think I have around ten rituals that I genuinely love to do every day because I know they are good for me and they are also fun.

Here’s why I love them (i also love my lists as you can see)

• I choose when I want to do those rituals.

• I don’t have a strict, set time for them hence taking off the pressure.

• It’s easy to place them around my plans for the day, utterly flexible.

Of course, it goes without saying that I am lucky enough to work for myself and therefore have this kind of flexibility available to me. But you can definitely follow this ideology if you work a full-time job as well. It involves having clear, set goals for yourself. I honestly believe having clarity over your goals helps you make the right decisions for yourself every day without feeling guilty. Because following a routine set by someone on the internet shouldn’t define YOUR days. You decide what works for you, what you need, what you really want to do.

It’s okay to not want to follow every routine you find online. As a recovering routine addict (lol), I’ve learned that it’s more important to find what works for you and brings you joy, rather than adhering to rigid schedules that might not fit your lifestyle. Embrace what feels right, and let go of what doesn’t. Your well-being is what truly matters.

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Also don’t want to be that person but, thank you to everyone who has subscribed - it’s so exciting to see people interested in reading what I have to offer (also slightly terrifying!) But thank you thank you thank you!!!

xoxo

Reet